A Phone Conversation with My Niece

My six year old niece and I were talking on the phone today.

Me: Did you go to "Tiny Grandma's" today?

("Tiny Grandma" is the nick name we use for my grandma that Diva gave her when she was in preschool because she is about 4 ft 8 inches tall.)

Niece: Yes

Me: What did you talk about?

Niece: Her funeral. She already has it all planned out and told me all about it. 

Yes, my 80-something year old grandmother thinks it's completely normal to talk to your 6 year old great granddaughter about how you would like the family to rent you a casket instead of buying one in order to save money on your funeral, as well as other various requests that you have for when you kick the bucket. 

(What's even more interesting about this conversation, is that nobody in my family who reads this will be shocked or bothered by it. They'll just nod their heads in acknowledgement.)

Baby Noah's Crib Reveal

I'm pretty sure I told you all about Baby Noah's crib, but I'll recap (because, I'm up way too late working on the blog and I don't have time to read back through all of my recent posts to see how much I revealed.

Here we go:

My cute next door neighbor, Emily approached me when she was pregnant, having seen some of my projects, and asked me if I would paint her crib for her. I had two thoughts: 1. I was totally flattered and 2. I was instantly terrified. This is because when I paint my own stuff, I don't have to worry about being perfect, but a crib for someone else that people were actually going to see, that's a different story. However, even though I was extremely nervous, I decided to try it. What was the worse that could happen? Uh....I could destroy a perfectly good piece of furniture that she would end up hating (although, I would never know because she suffers from extreme and genuine sweetness and probably wouldn't say anything). But, with encouragement from Studly, my dad, and Emily (who assured me that she would love whatever I did), I started painting baby Noah's crib (Okay, okay...so it was about two months after she delivered it to my house, but I did start on it eventually...)

I thought spray painting it would be best for the look she wanted, but doing that in the dead of winter in Utah is ill-advised, so I used a chalk paint recipe that I got from Jamielyn over at I heart Naptime. I had used it once before, but it didn't work as well as I wanted it to, so I decided to try it again. I played with the mixture a little and it ended up working a lot better this time. I used regular interior paint from Lowe's in satin. The directions did say to use flat paint, but if you have learned anything by reading this blog, it's that directions are for wussy's....(until I screw something up royally.)

I also used 3 coats of Polycrylic in Gloss in order to seal it. I prefer to use Polycrylic because it doesn't yellow like the other poly (which I am not even going to attempt to finish spelling at this hour.)

*If you don't know what chalk paint is, you are missing out because it's awesome! It gives you more of a rustic look that is really easy to distress, which I personally like, being that my style is all "eclecta-cottage" (I really must trademark that.) Anyway, aside from that there is NO sanding or priming required because it is a really thick consistency and dries pretty fast. My hutch was actually a dark walnut color before I painted it white, and I used 2-3 coats (after I used 2-3 coats of another color that I decided against). "Official" chalk paint is known by Annie Sloan, but there are only a couple of stores that sell it in Utah that I know of. However, there are a few recipes that are much cheaper than Annie Sloan, which is hella expensive (although, I still want to try it).* 

Anyway, Emily was kind enough to send me a few before pictures from when her second child was born, so you can see the transformation (because,we are all suckers for before and after pics, right?) :

...And here is the work in progress with yours truly playing contortionist...(Sidenote: this was not easy and it wasn't until after I instagrammed the picture that someone commented that they took their crib apart when they painted it, and it was much easier...D'OH!)

The crib was more challenging to paint than I had anticipated because of the bars (Sheesh, those took a while!) and I kept getting little drips here and there which is always the part of furniture painting that is the most "I'm going to throw this paint can through the wall!" frustrating. Some dog hair would also randomly decide to waft in the room and stick to the wet paint, so I did have to sand a few places away and repaint over them.

Obvious Tip: If you have a drip that you don't notice right away, I found that using a butter knife to scrape it off worked really well and made it much easier to fix.

It took me about a week to finish (well, maybe two...okay, probably three once I finally started...) and Destructo had to be temporarily displaced from his room in order for me to paint it (His room has the best light.) but when it was all over I was in love...kinda...Actually, I was really nervous, because even after being really careful and fixing all of the flaws, I was still finding little areas that I thought I should fix, but Emily was so close to having Noah that I knew if I didn't just get it over there and let her be the one to approve it, that he would be sleeping in a dresser drawer until he was 6 months old. I have to be honest though, I totally had that "impending diarrhea feeling" while in the process and even after she took it home. All in all, though, it was a fun and challenging project and I love that Emily loves it, which was SO important to me!

Here are the "after" pics:

I have to say, looking at the pictures, that it is pretty cute and don't you think Baby Noah's bedding is adorable? (Emily made the quilt herself, which I think is totally awesome.)

I am so grateful that Emily trusted me enough to let me do this for her and I really did enjoy the transformation process, even though I sound a little whiny in my post :)

(Oh, and sorry for the quality of the pictures. I had to take them from my iphone and I'm not too good at editing the exposure.)

Until I blog again....

Nasty-Ass Couch Makeover: Cleaning Your Microfiber Furniture (Tutorial)

One day, I was wasting time that I should have been using to clean my messy house on KSL finding junk to play with and make pretty, while other mommies did normal things like feed and bathe their kids.

That day, I happened to be looking at couches because my current one that was a dark olive green, did not say "cottage" to me and I wanted something more neutral and "lighter". Seeing as how my budget was nonexistent limited, I was totally psyched when I found a couch I liked that was listed for 50 bucks. It was a smaller sectional with a chaise on it, which is what I'd been wanting but seeing as how we no longer have those plastic angels known as credit cards I could not afford to buy new, so of course, like any DIY'er I decided to hit the thrifties! The couch looked a little dirty in the pictures, but not too bad, as in, not nearly as bad as it did when I saw it, even though it was described as having "just a little wear on it". Anyway, even though it was cosmetically "Courtney Love in the 90's", Structurally, it was pretty decent and sturdy. I thought it might make a good upholstery project, even though the only previous experience I had was reupholstering dining chair cushions (We all know, I can be a little delusional). Against any remaining sanity I had left in my brain, I ended up buying the sucker with all sorts of visions of a future Pottery Barn-esque sectional in my living room, down to the $200 throw pillow look-alikes, where everyone who saw it would think it were just as amazing and would also be completely amazed when I said in a snooty little laugh, "Oh, that? Yeah, I upholstered it. It was SOOOO easy!". But, soon after we got it in the basement, reality hit (as in the borrowed library book about reupholstery), so it ended up sitting there for several months, while I occasionally stared at it, wondering what the hell I was thinking.

Before we go any further, let me show you what the gem looked like:

Personally, I believe this qualifies as Nasty-Ass.

(and remember, pictures usually make things look better than they actually are.)

Originally, I had assumed that I would HAVE TO reupholster the couch because there was no way that I was going to get years of nasty grime off those cushions (...and I was quite certain some of the grime resulted from beer pong being played on it, despite a huge framed picture of the Salt Lake Temple hanging on the living room wall of the house where it came from).

However, one day on Pinterest I saw a pin about cleaning a microfiber couch. The method on the pin was the use of rubbing alcohol, but I soon found a few other methods via Google. I decided to try all of these methods on my couch. I mean, it's not like I could have ruined it anymore than it already was.

Disclaimer: Before I get too far into the process that I used, I need to let you know that there are things you need to consider before attempting to clean your microfiber furniture yourself. The first thing is to check the label!!(which I did not do until I had already tried a couple of methods...oops!). Anyway, labels on microfiber contain a code that you can use in order to figure out how to best clean it. There is a W (which my couch was and it means you need to use a type of water based cleaning process), S (which means to use a solvent based cleanser), SW (which means you can use both, and X (which means you should have looked at the code and realized what it was before you bought it, because it's vacuum only and the cheerios your two-year-old just barfed up on it just bought it a ticket to the dump). The labels can be hard to find, but I found mine under one of the cushions (after I had turned the entire couch over thinking it would be on the bottom, of course.)

Now that we have that out of the way, I'll go on: My research on the internet introduced me to 4 primary methods that people use to clean their microfiber furniture. The pin that I found advocated using the rubbing alcohol method. I also used a method calling for dish soap and baking soda (I later found out that the baking soda is really just for odor, not for the dirt and stains, so I didn't even need it and probably should have figured that out before I was vacuuming baking soda off my couch for several hours), another method calling for baby wipes, as well as one that uses that good old Oxyclean. I'll explain below what exactly I used for each method and what the results were:

1. Rubbing alcohol method

(This was the first method I used BEFORE I happened to check the label, which was a "W", meaning that I shouldn't have used this method at all, but luckily there was no harm done, so it's all good.)

The rubbing alcohol method advocates using straight rubbing alcohol and a white or light colored dish sponge so that the color doesn't transfer. I used the "natural" sponges which worked fine.(and I felt more environmentally friendly, too!) I used the spongy side, NOT the rough side (because it might scratch). Afterwards, I used a scrubby brush (I think it was a $2 one for the kitchen dishes) to smooth the microfiber back out. Choose one where the bristles are "softer and fatter". You aren't scrubbing four day old spaghetti sauce off a saucepan, you are merely "grooming" your microfiber...and scratching it, because you chose to use a scrub brush meant for grout, is not grooming it. If you want more details on this method, you can go to Chris and Robin's Nest, which is where the pin was from on Pinterest.

I have to say, a lot of crap came off, as you can see by the pictures below. I also have to say that I was dry-heaving as I was rinsing out the sponges...

While the rubbing alcohol was pretty good, I had way too much ground to cover and too much grime to get off the couch for it to really work well, so I moved on. However, if your couch is more like Chris and Robin's couch, then I think it would work fine, and it definitely kicks ass for spot treatment.

2. Baby wipe method

I did test the baby wipe method because that was another one I had read about and it did work on a surface spot, but not as a whole and even if it did, I probably would have gone through several hundred boxes in order to get the entire couch clean! However, for spot cleaning, I think the baby wipe method would work great.


3. Dish soap Method


This also worked pretty well, and I was prepared to use it again as I figured no matter what I used, it would take a few times before I got all of the grime off. But, when I went downstairs a few days later, there was a little bit of a grayish cast on the couch. Plus, it took FOREVER to dry!

4. Oxyclean

Okay, I have used Oxyclean in the past with okay results. Definitely Probably because I was too impatient to follow directions. However, with the couch, I decided I was going to actually read AND follow them. By doing this, I started seeing results the first time the couch dried and the couch continued to transform every time I cleaned it, which still took 3 or 4 times because it was so stained.

Of course, the easiest and quickest method would have to be the one that I tried very last! I literally just mixed one of those dollar squeezie bottles with what the ratio that the container said to do for upholstery, squirted it on the couch, and then took a dry white cloth and blotted up the nastiness and then rinsed it and watched the water turn black and blacker with each cloth. Definitely appetizing.

A couple of quick tips: 1)Because I had to do several treatments and was far too impatient to wait several days for each treatment to dry fully, I did use a hairdryer to dry the couch faster between cleanings which worked well (You are supposed to use the cool setting, but I used the normal one because it's faster and it was fine.) 2)I did use a spray bottle in the beginning to clean, but decided it was NOT the best thing to use because of the droplets and spray marks that it leaves behind, which can end up staining your couch, a little counter-productive. So, I switched to the squeezie bottle. I also found that it worked best when I saturated an entire cushion versus just the stain, making sure the solution I was using was evenly distributed in order to avoid those same pesky water stains.

Anyway, I ended up using the Oxyclean on the couch itself and the chaise lounge cushion (because it wasn't removable.) However for the cushion covers and the pillow covers, I decided to just take a chance and throw them in the washer with my regular detergent and they turned out awesome! Feeling lucky, I threw them in the dryer, too and it still didn't ruin them!! Although, I do not claim that it is safe for you to do so, so don't come crying to me if you do end up ruining your couch because you used this idiots method for cleaning it.

Here's just one of the pillow covers BEFORE I washed it in the washing machine:

 (Admit it, you puked in your mouth a little, didn't you?)

...and here it is AFTER it went through the wash. I was a little worried at how the fabric looked, but once I put the stuffing back in and let it sit for a couple days, it looked as good as new.

So, there you have it! Four methods that I've already tried for you and that you can choose from to clean your nasty couch...Of course, I do claim that my couch was nastier than yours could ever be, which is why I chose the name, "Nasty-Ass" (Although, I do want to offer an apology to those who googled those words, hoping to find a different kind of website).
Anyway, all accidental innuendos aside, I think it ended up looking pretty awesome!!

"Can I be in the picture, mommy?"

I have more pictures, but I think these are graphic enough, even for those who are here accidentally because of Google (and, I'm not in the mood to edit any more pictures at the moment, anyway). I also want to acknowledge that it may look like the cushions are still stained in the pictures, but it really is just the lighting...(and the fact that it's microfiber). Oh, and for my friends out there who can't believe I would buy a couch this dirty and then sit on it, I promise it was disinfected (soaked) with about two cans of Lysol and then cleaned so many times, I would doubt any germ survived on it, and I'll also remind you that the couch you sat on at the furniture store that cost way more than this one, was sat on by many more asses than mine has had on it...some who probably had gas issues, so there!

Update: It's been a couple of months since I finished cleaning the couch and it has held up pretty well. There are a few spots that have shown up on the chaise (which was the most stained because that's where the family of 8 played beer pong on Friday nights), which are probably old stains that have seeped up through the cushion, which happens...or, it may be two children who should NOT be eating in the living room, but considering that wrappers and crumbs magically appear in there, I am suspecting the opposite is occurring.

Why I'm So Glad I Didn't Throw the Ottoman Through the Wall!

A couple of days ago, I submitted the Restoration Hardware Knock-off Ottoman to one of my favorite blogs, Knock of Decor.

I figured they probably get about 4,362 emails a day, or so from bloggers wanting to submit items, so I thought it would either be a long time to hear back, or that I might not hear back at all. I mean, I love my ottoman (We've come to appreciate each other after all the trauma we went through.), but would Knock Off Decor?

Well, apparently, they did like it! Yesterday, I got an email from Beckie over there letting me know that the ottoman would be featured today and I about did nekkid somersaults across the house! I don't know if I can really explain how excited I am to see it posted over there this morning. I mean, this is a blog that I cruise every day full of awesome creativity from bloggers all over, thinking..."Now, why didn't I think of that?"

So, I'm feeling pretty great in my jammies, with no bra (too much?), and morning hair, right now and I really want to thank Beckie for featuring the ottoman that nearly killed me, as well as my friend Kenz who suggested I submit it after she let me guest post it on her blog. It turns out hard work did pay off in this situation and I think I shall reward myself with a cupcake from Kneaders (a local bakery) in honor of the feature as soon as I drop that slow-poke Diva off at school (Destructo is in Disneyland with Grandpa...I know, right? No fair!).

Then, it's time to work on my next project, Destructo's new bedroom. It's gonna be so sick, or the bomb. or whatever the kids say, these days. I cannot wait to show you how it turns out!

Oh, and if your visiting from over at Knock Off Decor, THANK YOU for dropping by and I hope you'll take a look around and join me here, on Facebook, or those other social networking sites! I love meeting new friends and taking a look at your blogs, too!

Okay, I'm off to put that bra on and brush my hair so I can go check Diva into school, get my cupcake (or two) and then I'll be back later today, or tomorrow to post about that giveaway I promised you!

An Ottoman Inspired by Restoration Hardware

Well, hello there! I can't believe it's been over a week since my last post! I do have an excuse as I've been feeling a tad worn out and just plain icky for the last week (Currently, my voice sounds like it belongs to a 72 year old smoker from Boca Raton.) but, I'm back today to give you more information about my Restoration Hardware knock off ottoman I posted about over on Interiors by Kenz, yesterday. (By the way, if you haven't checked out Kenz and her blog, you must!! She's totally awesome!).

You've heard a little about the ottoman already, when I explained a slight issue I had when I attempted to do some tufting for the first time (which you'll be happy to know has been resolved...I think so, anyway...). but, now I'll go into more detail regarding the transformation from the "I think I'm southwestern?" ottoman to the new Restoration Hardware-like version.

Here's a little picture comparing the original version to the final version:

You should totally keep reading to hear about my story of how I was able to save the ottoman....and my sanity (well, almost.)

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time....

You know how you sometimes decide to start a task before thinking through things first? and then you start the process and realize that you just did a BIG "OOPSIE!!", but there is no going back now?

and then after you are finished, you just know you are in BIG TROUBLE!?

Well, I sorta did just that.

...and I'm a tad horrified at the moment.

(side note: Liquid Nails is a fantastic product that does EXACTLY what it says.)

Okay, here's what happened:

You know my living room wall that I was planning on putting my faux-fireplace on and how we had put that faux white brick behind it?

Well, due to the fact that we are now making that room into an office and moving the faux-fireplace into the main living room, the white brick needed to go.

Now, I could have been patient and waited. I could have not grabbed the crow bar. I could have listened to my inner-voice saying, 

"Jen, maybe you should re-think this before you pull sheet rock off the wall..."

but, I didn't.

Instead, I grabbed the crow bar and pulled on a teeny-tiny corner of the paneling to see if I could even pull any of it off the wall.

But a much bigger part came detached from the wall.

and then I did that thing that I always do, but know better.

I figured it was too late for logic and went a little crow-bar crazy.

The good news is the brick paneling is gone.

The bad news is that my wall looks like this:

(Now, I know why people end up just painting paneling instead of removing it during renovations.)

About an hour later....

Studly walks through the front door, right past the living room, and says "hi" when he sees me sitting at the kitchen table, innocently.

Me: Did you notice anything?

Studly: Oh, yeah, you moved the hutch.

Me: Anything else?

Anything?

Studly walks back to living room wondering what he missed and I hear:

"Oh, Shit!"

...My idea of doing Board and Batten in that room is starting to look a lot better, now....

Well, that's just "Fridge-Tastic"!

Okay, I get it. When you are renting, you have to deal with a few things like slightly overused appliances, but a couple of days ago, after we FINALLY went grocery shopping (we were literally eating breadcrumbs, it had been so long), we realized our fridge had some issues. Some we had noticed before, others we had not, and some of those we noticed before became a little more obvious and required the attention of duct tape due to the weight of the massive amount of food we had bought.

I'll give you the grand tour. 

With pride in my heart, I present to you...

Our "FRIDGE-TASTIC" Fridge!

(applause, please.)

Not bad looking, eh?

Well, except for a couple of buttons missing on the water fountain thingy:

Hot? or Cold?

Who really cares? Neither of them work. Luckily it's stuck on cold.

I think that's the most food we've had in our fridge, like ever. Still, there's a little something different about the inside of the fridge...

"One of these things just doesn't belong...."

(Oh, how I miss you, Sesame Street!)

Did you notice it?

How about now?

Yes, that shelf frame actually cracked in half, as I was putting juice on it. 

I was lucky enough to get away without injury.

I was not lucky enough to get away without spewing profanity.

It's actually what motivated us to start the fridge "makeover", as in that minute.

Anyway....

Moving on to the refrigerator doors:

We'll start with the freezer door first.

Nothing to see here.

Literally.

And on to the refrigerator door:

 where we shall see more duct tape...

Before the "repair", we just didn't put anything in that bin. 

But that was just one of them. 

We actually had two of them with the same problem. 

The other was cracked on both sides. 

But, we fixed that one, too.

I'm assuming so, anyway. 

We haven't heard a huge crash at 2 in the morning, yet.
Maybe, the Whirlpool man will accidentally drop one off at our door...

Not likely.

But, I do want to thank you for attending the tour of my "Fridge-Tastic" Fridge.

(Beat that, Miss Mustard Seed!!)